what an awful, awful day.
i went in for my sonogram this morning, no problem. in and out, easy, painless, no problems finding anything or parking, everyone was nice. aside from feeling woozy from not having eaten or drunk anything in so long, uneventful. came home and waited for smartboy to come take me to the colonoscopy.
at 1:30 sharp, we left for the clinic for The Procedure. found it without incident. they checked me in and had me fill out paperwork and five different people asked me the same questions over and over. hate that.
i survived the needle in my arm for my iv, despite my needle phobia (seriously, a phobia). i thought the worst was behind me at that point and was totally calm at that point.
boy was i wrong.
they wheeled me into the exam room. i was a little uncomfortable from the iv in my arm, just because that's my thing, but i was otherwise trying to just sleep and chill. everyone was being very nice, i was under a reasonably soft cottonish blanket, things were on time, i was totally unworried about the procedure to come.
then it happened. one of the people--there were three or four people in the room other than the doctor and me--asked me if my blood pressure was normally so low. "yes," i told her, and told her about what it usually was. she seemed concerned about this because of how it would affect her anesthesia decisions.
still, i thought, no biggie--these are professionals. she's got it under control. i didn't worry. but they seemed worried. they milled, they discussed how to handle it, how long to wait for it to go up, and so on. still, i tried not to worry. surely i'm not the first one to come across their paths like this. surely this is not the lowest blood pressure they've ever seen. they're professionals, i kept reminding myself.
eventually, i rolled over on my side, as directed, and they started. they'd put the anesthetic into the tube in my arm, so i figured i was supposed to be as drugged as i was going to be, though i wasn't in the least groggy or numb. still, i didn't worry, because i figured this was what they meant by "conscious sedation."
the pain began.
i was being stabbed
from the inside.
it was awful.
they scolded me.
they told me to breathe deeply and calm down.
i begged for them to stop.
i braced myself against the metal wall of the gurney.
they were relentless.
it was truly the most violent thing i've ever experienced.
and i've been raped.
finally, it was over. i cried and waited until i could talk again.
eventually they asked me if i was okay. they wheeled me into the recovery room and brought smartboy in, who was thankfully on his best compassionate behavior.
they brought me juice, told me everything looked normal, and that they'd taken some biopsies that they hoped to have back before the gastroscopy wednesday.
that's right. i get to go back to these people in less than two days.
i can't wait.
oh, and i got sick in the car on the way from there to the much-anticipated dinner. combination of a migraine (hello? no eating or drinking + stress + pms anyone?) and motion sickness (not allowed to drive = smartboy had to drive. i HATE being the passenger). it was awful. so before we could eat, we had to stop somewhere so i could buy a change of clothes. ugh. just one more sucky thing in the day. though i guess i did score a cute sweater out of it. the new jeans were smaller than i wish they were, though, and not something of which i really need ANOTHER pair.
the one bright note: i believe that the doctor is knowledgeable and will help in my care process.
i just don't think i'll choose that particular spot for my next colonoscopy, because i seem to have some anesthesia needs that they don't seem equipped to handle. lesson learned.
p.s. thank you, dear supportive readers, for your comments and emails about all of this. it has been a sucky, difficult couple of days.