this morning, i had a terrible nightmare. this came on the heels of two days and nights of excruciating migraines, culminating in vomiting last night, despite ice packs and meds, and having to take more meds after the vomiting. i slept soundly once i got back to sleep, which was nice--i haven't been doing much of that lately*--until the nightmare began.
i was riding in a minivan (yeah, i know--enough of a nightmare right there) driven by my mother (you fill that in), seated directly behind her. my older brother was sitting behind me with his wife, i think, but not their sons. beside me was an author with whom i've collaborated on several terrorism books. no one was in the front passenger seat beside my mother. she drove the van careening up i-376, known around here as the parkway east, speeding toward the squirrel hill tunnel. as we rounded the bend approaching the wilkinsburg exit, i saw that there were brake lights ahead. running on the right shoulder of the highway were people dressed in street clothes of all kinds, not in unison, just running--jogging, really, but keeping up with traffic, because you know the laws of physics are suspended in dreams.
my mother did not slow the van as we neared the traffic. she swerved into the left lane, and, miraculously, all of the left-lane traffic exited or moved to the right lane. whew--we were safe. and the right lane seemed blocked only by a few cars slowed by one construction truck at the front of them. as soon as we got past them, we'd be okay.
(my heart is pounding as i relive this dream. do you get these kinds of dreams? lucid dreams, i believe they're called. they feel different from other dreams, in the most horrible way, if they're bad dreams. i haven't been able to stop shaking all day. i needed to get this out.)
just as we passed the truck, we could see the tunnel. all of us in the car were yelling and relieved, but she was trying in front of the truck. just as we were clear to move, though, all of the runners from the right shoulder decided it was time to move into the right lane, too--they were moving full speed ahead into the tunnel, too. it was horrifying. they moved, and we yelled at my mother to stay in the left lane, but she wouldn't. instead, she swerved wildly to the left, and the van barely escaped being smashed by a train coming at us through train tracks from an in-reality-nonexistent center tunnel. we all screamed, because the oncoming traffic would kill us from the far tunnel, and there's nowhere to go on the far side of it. we had no idea what was going to happen. and as my heart raced, i saw a man from the group of runners who'd paralleled us across the center tunnel and was now between us and whatever would come out of the far tunnel: another train, speeding toward us.
i woke up with a scream. and i can't tell you how long it took me to type that last sentence. i don't know why i have these dreams, dreams of horrible deaths, often of burning and--well, no need to gross people out with it. but the point is that i avoid these things in movies and television like crazy, mainly because my imagination is so vivid. but somehow, i end up having the nightmares just the same. and sometimes, like this morning, they're not like regular nightmares. they feel so real that they scare me from going to sleep for days, and hearing the voices of the people in them brings me to tears. do you have those?
fortunately, bad dreams are not the only thing in my life lately...
*i haven't slept well lately because i fell down some stairs in the wonderful house. sock + carpet staple = excellent fulcrum, apparently, strong enough to pivot my ass down a flight and still hold onto me, pinning my leg to the nearest stair and creating a hematoma on my shin literally the size of a football cut in half lengthwise. huge. and so, so ugly. so many colors. it's been 3.5 weeks now and it's a little smaller than my fist, but the colors are still hideous, and my whole lower leg is discolored and slightly swollen, as all the blood that was in it disperses. i have to keep it elevated, but i don't have to wear the crutches any more, at least. but it has been a bitch for sleeping--there is no position that doesn't put pressure on it, except my back, and i can't sleep on my back (it gives me nightmares! seriously). but that's getting better as the swelling goes down.
other stuff going on: the architect has given us paperwork to start interviewing contractors to replace the staircase, finally. god, i cannot wait until that is done. also been knitting a lot, as one tends to do when one's leg must be elevated (read: when one is spending a lot of time on one's ass). i finished a sweater (zephyr designs' wicked, as part of the sexy knitters' club kal) and am nearly finished a pair of broad street mittens. i finished a pair of knitty's cigar gloves and have a few more projects planned for the near future. trying not to work so much that i get so many headaches (i'll let you know how that's working for me).
all for now--work calls.