lifesavers

many, many times in the past couple of decades, i've thought back on my college years and been grateful for one person more, probably, than any other i knew then. her name is virginia (ginnie, to everyone who knows her) mclaughlin.
the summer before my senior year in high school, my parents began a mean, violent divorce that put me squarely in the middle at every turn. two months into my freshman year in college, a guy with whom i had just broken up raped me.
two years later, to the week, i was one of the last people to see rebecca dowski and cathleen thomas alive before their (still-unsolved) murder off-campus. law enforcement officials (campus, local, state, and federal--they were killed on national park property) visited my dorm room multiple times a day to question me. they called me. repeatedly, i told them what i knew, which was pretty much nothing, and repeatedly, they returned.
until then, my job as an undergraduate work-study assistant in then-associate dean mclaughlin's office had been one of the steady, predictable, and therefore happy things in my life. i loved going to work and being around kathy and margo, having clerical and computery things to do, being in a safe and dependable place before going out into the unpredictable world. ginnie was always ready with a smile and kindness; before long, i began babysitting her daughter as well as working in her office.
but when the murder investigations wouldn't go away, i began forgetting appointments, being late to work, skipping more and more classes, and, finally, forgetting to show up for a babysitting job at ginnie's house. the next morning, she called me--not angry, like many people would have been, but worried. i don't even remember what i said, except that i was sorry. the only thing i remember is being surprised that she said she was on her way over and not to go anywhere. i remember crying while i waited for her, thinking at once that i must be really screwed up if the associate dean--an insanely busy woman--was taking time out of her day to come to my dorm across campus and also that i was so, so relieved that she was coming. i had no idea what she was going to do when she got there, but i knew i had an ally. i knew that she knew that i needed her, even though *i* hadn't known that i needed her.
i don't remember what she said or what we talked about when she arrived. what i do remember is that she walked with me--even holding my hand or putting her arm around my waist or shoulders at some points--to the student counseling center.
i wasn't insulted, or angry, or embarrassed (well, okay, maybe a little embarrassed--not for her or the staff to see me like that, but in case other students there would see me like that). i felt cared for. relieved. sheltered. embraced. touched that this woman cared this much about me to probably cancel a bunch of appointments for her morning, walk across campus, come deal with some student falling apart, walk her to the counseling center, and then get back to her day. oh, and she also contacted law enforcement and got them to back off--"she doesn't have anything else to tell you," she insisted, "and if she thinks of anything, she has your card. she'll call you."
the counselors at the center there helped me through a lot back then and brought me out of that depression. i'm grateful for jan pattis' help especially. but i never would have gone there myself, and i really do believe that ginnie mclaughlin saved my life that day. i try to give the school of education, of which she is now, deservedly, dean, money whenever they ask, if i'm able, sheerly out of gratitude to her.
i am so lucky to have had her then and have had a few opportunities to pay it forward since then, which i've taken gratefully. courage rocks, ginnie. thanks for yours.

Comments

[Naomi Seligman]

I knew Becky from Dickinson before she transferred. Have been thinking of her. Can't imagine what it must have been like for you, but it's good to know you had support.

[karen]

i'm constantly in awe of your life experiences. you have been through so much in your life. i'm so glad that you have met wonderful people like ginnie along the way to help you through all the hard stuff. hugs.