it's time to get serious about setting some weight goals for myself. i have gained almost 30 pounds in the past two years , and that's added a few inches around my waist and, less attractively, eight inches around my hips. it's frustrating to see my body not so slowly on the road back to obesity, but it's even more frustrating to know that i'm not healthy. i never exercise, and my diet is crap. i would love to lose most of this--not necessarily to get to the beautifully curved but slender body i had two years ago, but at least to where i really felt healthy, which was about 10 pounds more than that. i seemed able to sustain that weight with a comfortably moderate lifestyle, which is what i should be living. and when i reach that weight, i'd like to maintain it again. i maintained the slender weight of 133 pounds for a couple of years, eating well, walking a lot, and doing weight training a few mornings a week. i would love to be there again, but if chronic pain (the culprit that began me on this road) keeps me from walking as much or lifting as often as i did then, i'd be satisfied with 145 or less. that's a healthy state for a woman of my age, build, and height.
i'm going to have to start walking again. when i was slender, i took the bus to work and walked home at least some of the time; these days, i seem to have errands to run or some other excuse that helps me justify driving.
i'd like to start lifting again. just a couple of mornings a week with my little dumbbells and a little ab work really made a difference in my toning, and one of the things about which i'm most self-conscious these days is my flabby arms that squeeze into sleeves like sausage in casing.
i'd like to feel that self-respect i had when i took good care of my body, the appreciation of fresh and wholesome ingredients (which i still have but that seldom seems to translate into my actually preparing them), and the energy and sense of accomplishment i felt when i walked home those four miles (now the office has moved a bit closer, so it's now 3.5 miles) with both steep inclines and steep declines. what a great workout, when i walk to the beat of what's on my ipod!
we're talking about only 17 pounds. at even a pound a week, which i think is plenty doable (i typically do 1.5), that's 17 weeks--if i were to start this week, i could attain my goal weight by the end of april. how nice would it be to feel comfortable again in short sleeves and fine-gauge sweaters, in shorts, skirts, and dresses, the way i did before? (answer: *very.*)
i'm going to start by taking the bus to work and walking home one day (more, if i can, but one day feels like enough of a challenge at my current level of migraining, unfortunately) per week. as my fitness level increases, i'll add a day per week. i'll also start parking farther from errands and incorporating walking into more of my routine. changes as small as these made a huge difference before. between walking and weight training, i need to bring my intentional-activity level up to at least three hours weekly.
i'm also going to start cooking one healthy meal per week (again, more if i can), which will require planning ahead and not lazily accepting prepared, frozen foods. and i need to pay more attention to my intake of ginger ale while also hydrating better, as well as to my intake of sweets. i've really become addicted to sugar--and especially to chocolate--all over again, something i'd broken before.
and this blog is my accountability. i've done this before--and not so long ago--and i can do it again. i am ready to eat differently, even if it hurts my family's or friends' feelings or causes conflict. i am ready to donate to charity those clothes that are too big and no longer fit me. i am ready to avoid friends who do not totally support me and who may wish to sabotage my weight-management efforts. i can see the end of my rope, and i know that i want to climb up before i reach that end. i am willing to focus totally using dr. phil's seven keys--the philosophy that helped me so much before. i admit that i have been unsuccessful in trying to manage my weight in the past--with jenny craig and weight watchers, for example--but that i am willing to follow dr. phil's steps and strategies again. i am willing to reread the books and honestly use the keys to change myself, my lifestyle, and my behavior. i am willing to look at my behavior honestly and answer to myself and to significant people in my life about my problems. i am willing to confront myself and others honestly about how i sabotage myself or allow others to sabotage me. i am willing to change my work habits, if necessary, to become healthier and manage my weight better. i am willing to throw away all the problem food in my house and eat according to dr. phil's food and behavioral steps and strategies. i am willing to exercise at least three to four hours per week at a moderate level of effort. i am willing to make my health and the control of my weight a top priority in my daily life. i am willing to dedicate at least 15 to 20 minutes daily in focused concentration to follow dr. phil's weight-management steps. i am willing to give myself self-affirmations the majority of the time to overcome negative thinking. i am willing to talk straight about what i am doing and not fool myself into thinking that anyone else but me can do this for me. i am willing to stop lying to myself and to others about things that blind me from being who i am. i am willing to transform these steps into action by using dr. phil's seven keys and not dropping out because it is too hard or because i am not strong enough. i am willing to admit that i have some problems but that i will not let these problems damage my commitment to dr. phil's steps and strategies. i admit that i must take responsibility for my life, and i am committed to making permanent changes. finally, i am willing to say aloud to myself that i will change my lifestyle for better health.
i am at zero hour, that crucial moment when there is no turning back, and it confronts me to the very core of my self-respect. i have become so sick of my habits and my pattern of living that i realize that i can no longer live my life that way. i have made up my mind that it's not too late, that i deserve more, and that i will deny myself no longer. it's when i wipe the slate clean and am ready to start over. i've decided to reclaim my health and my life. being overweight has taken on a special standing and urgency, lifting above other concerns in my life. my dignity and my being can take only so much, and i am ready to start living strategically. i want more, so i am ready to do more and am already taking action to get it.