just be.

i am smug.

and you know how i love to be smug.

a few days ago, someone on ravelry shared a url that was new to me: what the fuck should i make for dinner? smitten by the humor of the site, i checked it a couple of times for dinner ideas, but i finally decided last night that i would shop today and cook tonight. so i clicked until i saw something appealing, and BOY is it ever: stewed apples with macaroni and cheese. i know: stewed apples? wtf is that? but the ingredients sounded yummy, and i've been jonesing for some mac and cheese lately. so smug 1 = finding an awesome-looking dinner idea for a weeknight.

so i went to whole foods after the gym (well, after the yoga place, which was after the yarn shop, which was after the gym—i have been working a ton and decided that i could stand a long lunch today) (smug items 2, 3, 4, and 5 = going to the gym and having an excellent workout that did NOT result in a migraine—hooray—stopping for a few minutes at my favorite yarn shop and catching up with some friends—also hooray—stopping at the yoga place and not only getting the information i wanted about starting some classes but also troubleshooting some printing issues for the owner, and then getting to go to whole foods because whole foods). i picked up the ingredients, plus a few other things (because whole foods). i asked the cheesemonger (i love that there's a cheesemonger in my universe) for some advice on the gruyere, and he recommended a wonderful-looking one, and i asked him to shred it and he DID. so: smug items 6, 7, and 8 were getting cheese shredded and thereby not having to pull out a shredder or food processor to shred a bunch of cheese, finding ginger-something apples that are YUMMY and so my new favorite apples for cooking, and finding some fig jam to use for smug item 9, which will be grilled cheese, apple, and fig-jam sandwiches for lunch this week. i will even have leftover caramelized onions from tonight's dinner to add to said sandwiches. so that would be smug item 10.

smug item 11 = snacking on other delicious cheese while cooking. smug item 12 = finishing the cooking in like 40 minutes. and smug item 13 = eating this delicious delicious dinner. i am going to have to insist that you try this recipe because fabulous. pay no heed to the stick of butter and 10 oz. of cheese. you will love yourself for making this. and making yourself fat just gives you more of yourself to love when that happens.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 profile!

i love lists. so, natch: 

one project i'm particularly proud of

the scarf i wove in one day in my first-ever attempt at weaving!

for both warp and weft, i used a skein of brooks farm trio, a double knitting–weight blend of wool, alpaca, and silk, in a colorway that made me swoon from the first time i laid eyes on it at maryland sheep and wool this spring. i adore it.

two mistakes i've made in the past

me? i never make mistakes! 

ha.

okay, srsly. the big decisions that might seem like mistakes all must have worked out okay in the end, because i wouldn't have ended up here with this life i love so much if they hadn't. so that leaves me with smaller mistakes. or mistakes that i don't regret having made, if only because they helped put me here. so one mistake i made that always makes me shake my head when i think about it is deciding to quit grad school just a few weeks shy of the end of the year. this is back in april 1989, when i was just 22 years old and in my first attempt at an advanced degree. i was studying justice, law, and society at the american university in washington, d.c. i'd done amazingly well in my first semester, crazy-good gpa, good friends, living in a tiny studio apartment in upper northwest d.c., and really liking what i was studying. but i was a financial idiot and hadn't planned or saved for living in this very expensive place on a stipend of—wait for it—$5,500 per year (the apartment rent was $497 per month, if that helps put that stipend into perspective). so, in addition to the 20 hours of research and teaching i was doing for two professors (to earn the stipend), i took on a part-time job at a nearby waldenbooks. and my studies began to slip. by april, i was panicked that i was going to get a c or worse in my statistics class (and a c in that program was, effectively, failing, as it required retaking the class). so i withdrew. just like that. i remember that the dean, jim fyfe, even tried personally to convince me not to quit. he had such good logic and was SO right. i wish i had listened to him. but i didn't. i quit my classes, finished out what parts of my assistantship i could, and started working full time at kramerbooks and afterwords. it was a superfun time—i commuted from a bus stop directly in front of my apartment down to dupont circle every weekday morning to open the store at 7 a.m., sold george shultz his daily paper, and got to handle some really interesting stock. and i had lunch at the not-cheap-but-so-delicious cafe that was part of the shop. and on weekends i spent all my time in museums and galleries. seriously. like, what an awesome life was that? i did it for two months, until camp started again, when i returned to my one true love of my pre-andrew life, camp kittamaqund. (okay, "one true love" is overstating it—i love my friends and family—but that place had a serious pull on me for many years. i still miss it.) 

anyway. so. quitting grad school was a decision i'll never think was a good one.

a second mistake. really i don't know. marrying geoffery was a mistake, but if i hadn't married him, i wouldn't have become who i am or ended up in pittsburgh to meet andrew and start the career i have now and love. so a mistake but not a regret? 

three things that make my work unique

what makes my crafting unique is that i have, i think, a knack for choosing colors that i love, so i usually end up loving the *look* of the things i make even if the things don't turn out to fit or work otherwise :) (that's another thing that makes my crafting unique: it frequently comes out terribly, terribly wrong. wrong as in wouldn't fit anyone ever.)

what makes my workwork unique is the speed with which i can finish, usually, though that's changing. it's changing first because my physical ability to do it quickly has been declining; the narcolepsy has kind of taken over in the past few years, and i can't work the strings of 14- and 16-hour days, nights, weekends, and holidays like i used to be able to do. i just can't. it's very frustrating, but i haven't figured out how to change it. (brb forgot to take my ritalin this morning) it's also changing because my managers have made it very clear that i need to slow down. lots of reasons for that, some more understandable to me than others, but, if one wants to keep one's job, as i do, one does what one's managers require. so.

and the third thing that makes my work unique, regardless of what kind of work we're talking about, is that i like variety. i like to have a lot of projects going at once and to switch among them. and i like to start projects. oh, how i like to start projects. and plan projects. i want to make and do all the things.

four tools i love to use

ipad. easy. i adore my ipad.

iphone. also easy. more useful in most ways than the ipad. i can take photos and video with it, of course make and receive phone calls with it (though i loathe talking on the phone), and use my one million apps on it. i use it constantly. never want to be without it.

my signature knitting needles. such a pleasure to use, truly one of the things that makes knitting such a delightfully tactile hobby.

and my hands. i have loved working with my hands since i was a little girl, starting with drawing and painting, moving on to needlepoint and cross-stitch, later piano, and now knitting, weaving, and sometimes even crochet. even cooking. it's all about tactility and adroitness.

five inspirations

ravelry has to be the top name on this list. every day i see projects, patterns, and yarns that give me ideas of things i want to make and use. it's like the iphone of my crafting life.

my body. been cold lately? make a shawl. wish you had that sweater in blue? (surprise) make one. back hurting? try yoga. or massage. or acupuncture. or a different chair. or a different desk. or whatever. whatever my body tells me, i try to listen.

my friends. especially my crafty friends at my local yarn shop, natural stitches. this is my main circle of friends in town here, primarily because they all like to do the crafty things i like to do, but also because, within that, they also like to think about the kinds of things i think about: fit, color, tactile properties. 

goodness. (that's a fourth source of inspiration, not an exclamation.) with workwork especially, my values and principles are right up there in the list of motivating factors, and goodness is primary among them. yes, plenty of my work is dry. but i try to focus on the ways in which my contributions are helping the efforts of my employer (a policy-analysis think tank) make the world better. at least for somebody. maybe i helped shipbuilders be more cost-effective. maybe i helped policymakers understand housing and relocation after katrina or no-fault car insurance. maybe i helped police forces understand how to attract and keep excellent police officers. whatever we're doing, i believe in what we do and try to focus on improving whatever we're contributing.

lately, health. i've been trying to live more healthily, which involves purchasing healthier foods (and, of course, spending more time exercising). i love seeing what's in season at my local farmers' markets and figuring out what to make with what i find. we're eating a lot more produce here, and i love that so much of it is local these days.

farmer's markets a go-go

i am so excited: i have found an abundance of farmers' markets in neighborhoods where i actually GO.  nearly every day--every day except tuesdays and sundays! east liberty on mondays 3:30–7:30, whole foods on wednesdays 4–7, phipps on wednesdays 2:30–6:30, wilkinsburg on thursdays 3–6, oakland on fridays 12–4, and a different one in east liberty--year-round and indoors--on saturdays from 5 to noon. local produce (and whatever else i can get), here we come!

last night i grilled up some chicken-breast fillets (just olive-oil spray, salt, and pepper) and roasted some kale (again: olive oil, salt, and pepper) (it was a first attempt at kale chips, but i didn't leave it in long enough to get crispy all the way across the leaf), and andrew boiled some corn on the cob, which i had plain. the kale and corn were both from the wilkinsburg farmer's market and delicious out of this world. i also made some of lisa's green beans from the ordinary, a no-cook concoction of a few simple seasonings, oil, vinegar, and sugar with fresh beans, and put those in the fridge for tonight. the beans were from the same farmer and look scrumptious.

at the same market--same farmer, actually--i'd bought a couple of onions, a tomato, and a green pepper, which i plan to use for a pizza (trader joe's dough + shreds) maybe tonight or tomorrow. i love having all this yummy healthy food in the house!

whew, what a weekend.

i am so bummed that i couldn't make it to the worldwide knit in public day at the arts festival (this summer i have officially lived in pittsburgh for 10 years, and i have NEVER been to the arts festival--how pathetic is that?). i didn't, in fact, manage to knit in public at all, and only managed to knit, period, for only an hour or two last night, on the copper tubey. i have about a month left to finish it for it to be on time, plus another gift to finish that same week. yikes! two best friends should not be allowed to have birthdays at the same time. but then, i will have the same conundrum in august, when my two nephews' birthdays are a day apart, and the week after that, when my two brothers' birthdays are three days apart. what up with that?

the weekend was busy. i migrained friday badly enough to stop working at 5:30 (gasp!), take meds, put the dogs in their crates, put an ice pack under my head, and go to bed. i managed to to end up as bad as 'tasha, but it was a bad night. i slept until midnight, then couldn't get back to sleep. this did not bode well for a normal saturday. saturday i had a ton of errands to run--new headset for the new phone (my first bluetooth--i am enjoying that, though the sound quality is different, and i'm not sure yet whether i'm enjoying that), new case for said phone, and happened upon a new skirt while looking for the case and headset. a couple of other top-secret missions in there, and i was finished for a couple of hours before i had to get ready to go to the wedding reception i coordinated that night at the children's museum. delicious food--i loves me a pasta bar--and fun party, but i was pooped by the end of the night, and my feet totally hurt. fabulous shoes do not a happy wedding coordinator make.

anyway, it was a success and the couple were really happy, we (my partner and i, the bride squad) got lots of compliments, i got to meet some new vendors (adored that florist--i will have to find her card and post her info later, because she seemed like a great alternative when the one i love and use whenever i can isn't available), and the family could not have been nicer. i love doing that kind of stuff. i just wish i had time to do it more often. can't wait till the photos are up.

so yesterday was mostly about catching up on sleep (slept in till all of 7:30, but i went to bed at like 8:30 last night) and on work--i finished the edit and wrote the abstract on a book i've been trying to get wrapped up for what feels like forever, didn't have that much left to do, but a zillion people kept tossing these little projects at me that kept interrupting my progress, and i've been suffering from a terrible case of the can't-say-nos lately. so i just decided that yesterday was my chance to knock that baby out, and after seven hours, i did. i hate working a whole weekend day like that--no open houses for us, no errands, no yard sales--but i think i'll be glad workloadwise today, as i predict more little projects landing on my desk. plus i have two more books that came back last week (one from the author--the same author as the one for whom i just finished this edit of his other book--and the other from a different author), so big projects, too. yeah, kind of busy at work, i guess.

lots of secret pal action going on, too. i'm participating in the secret pal 8 and the pittsburgh secret pal exchanges, so i've been busily emailing, shopping, and shipping. it's so much fun finding the right stuff for these wonderful, interesting people, thinking about their tastes and trying to find things that they will like, packing and wrapping things for them. it's hard to send things to them in a way that they won't detect you, though--shippers don't like anonymous packaging these days! but the game is fun.

today is all about work and meetings. and figuring out how to cook buffalo steaks. what was i thinking buying those (except that they looked beautiful and were less than half the price of the beef tenderloins)? i'm thinking something similar to the steak au poivre that i do with the beef--it's a similar cut--where i sear the steaks in a heavy skillet in some hot olive oil then finish them in the oven. but maybe something a little different, since i don't have the tarragon for the reduction sauce. put a little mixture of mustard, minced rosemary (have lots of that from farmer don), salt, and pepper on them before finishing? maybe i have some blue cheese and can make a little gorgonzola butter instead of the reduction sauce for moisture. i'll have to see what i have in there. serve that up with some spinach (also from farmer don), and i know smartboy will want a starch...he can make rice, or i think we have some frozen corn on the cob or potato thing. yeah, that sounds like dinner. :)

and weekend after next is my birthday weekend. smartboy told me to make sure the vet had come before then, which i think means the dogs have to be ready for a kennel visit? i don't know. i'm trying not to think too much--i love surprises! 13 days till i'm 40!

i have avoided working out this morning. how about that? :( not so good. i've only gained a few pounds (literally 3-5), but my clothes definitely don't fit the same. must.do.better.

what's for dinner?

in order to make the carrot-basil muffins to use up the carrots i'd bought a couple of weeks ago and the radishes we'd gotten from farmer kretschmann last week (sliced the radishes thinly to serve sandwiched between muffin halves) (not a very tasty side, but we ate them anyway), i'd bought a big package of fresh basil last week. the kretschmanns will deliver basil bushes to us at various points later in the summer, but it wasn't last week.

anyway, whenever there's basil in the house, smartboy LOVES to make pesto. he discovered how easy it is (ridiculously) and how much he loves it (more than maybe anything other than me or the dogs) last summer, and now it's a compulsion. basil in house = smartboy must make pesto. i do not argue with this.

he blends, in our little immersion blender's attachment jar, whatever basil leaves i leave him after i've made whatever i'm going to make, a teaspoon of salt, half that much pepper, a teaspoon or two of (jarred) minced garlic, a couple of tablespoons of pine nuts or walnuts, half a cup of olive oil, and the same amount of parm. he then plops a huge dollop on some reheated pasta, scoops most of the rest into a refrigerator container, and mops the rest out of the blender with some hearty bread. he loves him some pesto, my boy does. i always read about people freezing pesto. i've never had a chance to try it. ours disappears within a day or two. seriously.

anyway, tonight i'm scooping a bit in the middle of some butterflied turkey tenderloins along with a little bit of whatever cheese we have in the house, closing each tenderloin with a toothpick, and roasting them in a casserole. i'm sure we have a starchy side awaiting us in the fridge (he cannot have a meal without a starch; i totally can) and tons of salad greens. meal complete. must make sure to find a casserole that exactly (or as close to it as possible) fits the tenderloins after stuffing; too large will let the oil from the pesto run away from the meat and they'll dry out before they're finished cooking--yuck--and too small will steam them and make them soggy--also yuck.

in knitting news, been working on the copper tubey and have probably six or seven inches of body ribbing now attached to the sleeves. i may actually finish this on time. the sexy knitters club is voting AGAIN on the next knitalong pattern; it looks like tempting ii is still going to win (it also was the clear winner in the first poll). as you may recall, i botched my first attempt at it, but i may try it again in a different yarn this time. jenna's pattern calls for a stretchy cotton blend, which actually makes a lot more sense for the amount of coverage you get than does a wool blend, so this time out i'm thinking of the superbargain yarn about which every knitter-along raves, knitpicks shine worsted. same gauge, slightly different makeup, less yardage, but way cheaper and beautiful colors. of course, since i already have the beautiful aqua buckle, i'll probably still use black. though i'm thinking of making it for someone else this time (my brother's wife) who's a bit more designery and artsy-fartsy in her accessorizing--i worry that my original intended wouldn't wear this, though she'd appreciate the aqua and black combo.

anyway, if i make it for susan,  i might choose one of the blues or greens instead of black, and get a different buckle. she looks divine in those colors and wears them often, and there are some good wooden buckles with which to pair it. so we'll see. might make a nice christmas gift for her.

rhubarb and strawberries and spinach, oh my!

last night we received our first produce delivery from kretschmann farm of the season. june through november, every tuesday is iron chef pittsburgh. i have no idea what produce to expect--we just get a big old wooden crate of stuff and i try to cobble a meal out of it the best i can, because if i can't use any of it that very night, the refrigerator will explode. no way it can hold everything. then tuesday night and wednesday i figure out menus to use up whatever we received.
so yesterday's haul was great. the most gorgeous, deep red strawberries i've ever had the pleasure of tasting. we sampled a few, then i washed, hulled, and froze the rest to use in smoothies. thought about making ice cream or sorbet, but we hardly need any of that in the house, and WOW did i have the most flavorful, fragrant smoothie this morning for breakfast (and a snack).
second were two big bags of lettuces. those will keep coming for many weeks of the summer--we always have a hard time keeping up with those. salad every night. but they're good.
third were lots of herbs. i haven't even looked to see what all was in there, but i know i saw rosemary. i'll use those later in the week--priority is using up the stuff that spoils fast.
fourth was a big loaf of seven-grain bread from one of their friends' bakeries. we don't get those most weeks, but love it when we do.
fifth was a bag of spinach. a pain to pick out the other stuff that gets accidentally picked in with the spinach, but healthy and we love spinach.
next was garlic chives, complete with the little flowers still on them, and a big bunch of radishes. and last was a bunch of rhubarb.
so last night i made a spinach gratin, sort of--melted some butter, mixed in some grainy dijon mustard, sauteed some chunks of the bread, and cooled that, then mixed in a five-ounce package of reduced-fat feta i had in the fridge. then i stemmed, picked over, washed, and wilted the spinach, then let that drain while i melted some more butter and sauteed the bunch of chives (chopped, no flowers!) and added some soy milk and more mustard. added the spinach back into the cream mixture, tossed that up and let it cook a bit, seasoned it with salt and pepper, and put it into a shallow casserole topped with the bread crumb-cheese mixture. baked that for about 10 minutes at 400 degrees, and we had that with salad for a mild dinner. would have been nice to have a little meat (some turkey kielbasa would have been a nice lean, salty counterpoint to spinach, bringing out the saltiness of the feta while adding some moisture without fat). but we didn't have any in the house, and that's iron chef tuesday :)
today i had a chance to regroup and stop at the store on the way home, so i have an actual menu planned. tonight is pork tenderloin with a rhubarb-raisin chutney; we can serve the chutney over other meats later in the week. the chutney is just brown sugar, cider vinegar, water, ginger, lemon peel, and cinnamon boiled then simmered, then rhubarb and raisins (it'd be currants if i didn't have raisins already in the house in abundance) boiled in the mixture and simmered some more. that easy. and the tenderloin is just seasoned and grilled--we just grill on our griddler, so setup is as easy as preheating an oven or pan, and cleanup is as easy as putting dishes in the dishwasher. gotta love that. grill the tenderloin until my probe thermometer tells me it's finished, let it rest about 10 minutes while i heat up a side dish, and slice it up and plate it all. what could be easier than that? yum.
and another night i'll serve the radishes sliced thinly on sandwiches made with carrot-basil muffins. i'd planned to make those as a side tonight, but my head is splitting, so we'll have a leftover side dish, no problem. gotta love leftovers. those'll be good with chicken tenderloins or turkey tenderloins grilled another night (both also bought today) with one or two of the herbs we got, maybe with a little lemon juice or evoo on top. also yum.
okay, now i've made myself hungry enough to get up and actually cook :) that's a good thing.